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The Queen of the Castle

Updated: Feb 11, 2023

I am not sure why I have the overwhelming need to call myself a Queen, but it feels fitting. I've always had this bit of obsession with royalty and what it means, but lately I have been looking at it differently. I think we all kind of have an idea of what royalty looks like. In most cases, we quickly assume it's somebody that lives in a castle and wears some sort of crown. What if we took the castle and the crown away, are they still a King or Queen?

The idea of tangible items giving someone a title seems kind of silly. I mean, yes, we can go into blood lines and heroics, but I want to talk about the definition of the title. Did you know the term "Queen" has two definitions -

1. The female ruler of an independent state, especially one who inherits the position by right of birth.

2. The most powerful chess piece that each player has, able to move any number of unobstructed squares in any direction along a rank, file, or diagonal on which it stands.

Which one resonates with you? I'm going with the second definition - The Most Powerful Piece. I think this is why I have had this overwhelming feeling to call myself a Queen. I have recently felt more powerful and in control of the world around me. I have felt more secure in my decisions and do not care what others think about those decisions. My decisions are mine and mine alone. Now, for those of you who know me, you might say that I have always embraced this persona, but even a Queen can lose her way.

I feel that in the last few years I have been struggling to find the Queen. She has been hiding from the pain that has been endured the past few years and she's exhausted. Some days I see her in all her glory and others I beg for her to come out. She's coming around more, lately, and every time I acknowledge her presence - she stays a bit longer.

I am taking all the necessary steps to keep her here and I do believe they are working. I'm slowly feeling more like myself again and God, have I missed her.

For anyone who is reading this, and feels this to their core, I want you to know it's ok to feel lost, but it's not ok, to stay lost. Sometimes, we just need to take the time to listen to what our bodies need. If that is letting go of a job, a relationship or going to therapy, it will tell you if you give your body the opportunity to speak. At the end of the day, your overall health is your responsibility and it should be your number one priority.

A Queen cannot protect others without putting herself first.

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